April 3, 2007

sick babe, part deux

It's an absolutely glorious day out today. The sun is shining and the weather is warmer than usual. The air smells crisp and clean - yum! My little Mr. Man is sick today. He woke up feeling warmer than yesterday and his cough sounds yucky. He has sat himself down on the couch with his "red blanket" and has stayed put all morning (a sign that he really isn't feeling well since that is not at all like him). However, I feel a great need to get out in this sunshine for a bit while we can. I'll probably load the kids up and go run some errands that we don't have to get out of the car for (post office, starbucks, drop movie off) just to get out of the house.

Okay, so I'm a little embarrassed to say, but I'm addicted to blogging. I love poking around and checking out other blogs. I feel a little like a stalker in a way. There are so many really creative and interesting people out there. I love reading blogs written by women who are raising young families but are making money by being creative. Although, I've noticed a big theme with most of the mom bloggers . . . . . they all seem to be Mormon. Nothing wrong with that, I'm just not. So I have been on a search for women, moms like me, who aren't religious but believe in being good people and love their families.

This weather has created a giant urge (need rather) to purge. I want to rearrange, clean and get rid of stuff we don't use and will never use. I want the places around me to look tidy and organized but I fear we will never get there unless we just get rid of stuff . . . . . lots of stuff. But I also don't want to get started on a project that I can't finish on my own. With weekends constantly being filled up with going there and doing that, it seems like our house and living arrangements take a back seat.

On a completely unrelated side note, my grandmother died on my father's side not long ago. My friend's grandmother is in the process of passing right now and it has reminded me of my grandmother. I don't quite know how to feel about it so I haven't been feeling anything about it. I wasn't close to her and when I was pregnant with my first, I made a conscious decision not to keep in contact with my father anymore. You see, he is not a healthy person. He's made many wrong and bad choices in his life and ultimately pushed me away because of it, even though he won't admit to that. Because in his mind, it's my fault, it's their fault, it's anybody elses fault but his own. Sad! My grandmother in her own right was not a healthy person either which leads one to believe there is a pattern to their behavior. But I do have some fond memories of my grandparents from when I was little and my mom and dad were together. Little things will pop in my head like when I'm carrying a glass with a beverage and ice. My grandmother was an alcoholic and she always had some mixed drink and the tinkling of the ice in glasses always reminds me of her. Not a very pretty memory, but a memory none the least. She loved to garden and was especially good at growing roses. She loved to wear tube tops and be tan. She once gave me a tube top when I was around six years old. I never wore it (are you kidding, a tube top! Please!) but I kept in the bottom of my drawer. I could pull it out and smell her "smell" on it which reminded me of her. She loved small, white dogs and always, always had at least two. I have lovely memories of driving to the beach and riding in the back of the pick up truck with my cousin. We would make pit stops for us kids to get one of those small cans of pop and my grandparents would make a drink (scary I know). So even though I haven't really mourned her passing, this is my little nod to her. Thanks for the memories Grandma M - I hope you are in a good and happy place now.

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