January 11, 2015

life: phase two

Eleven days into the brand new year. 2015. Although I'm not a big resolution maker, mostly because I don't like feeling the disappointment when I fail, but I am a big believer in grabbing the fresh start and relishing in starting anew. However, it's taken me these eleven days to really think on and decide what I wanted to pour my energy into this year. How I want to reorganize my brain space. I didn't want to willy-nilly jump into flippant goal setting. I want to make it meaningful.

Here's the kicker though....not only is this a brand new year....having recently turned forty years old, this is also the start of phase two of my life! Let's face it, the first forty years of life is spent in basic survival mode. You survive your childhood, your teenage angst, your college experience, your job searches, and the early days of raising a young family. At least for me, this is the case. Not that there weren't happy moments aplenty, but phase one is surviving the things mostly out of our control and learning how to handle situations. But, the great thing about phase one is it teaches us how strong we really are and the values we deem most important.

There is, this little awkward, dicey bit in between phases when you are growing out of phase one but before you enter the full fledge phase two. You are taking control and make adjustments to how you live, what you love, and where you spend your choices. But you're not quite at the phase two part of life just yet. You might still be trying to decide if you are going to hang on to your youth by your fingernails or if you're going to accept and rejoice in the newness of phase two as a strong, confident 40 year old. I'm hoping for the latter myself. Here I am, forty, staring down phase two and on the cusp of a new year.

So, 2015 is kinda a big deal. I am grabbing this untrained phase (the next forty years) of life, coupled with the excitement of a brand new year. Both are providing me with an invigorating feeling. I decided the theme of this great adventure would be JOY. (Last year, my word was YES as in I would say yes and open myself up to as many new experiences and people as I could). This year, my word is JOY as in I would only do the things and spend my energy on the things and people that bring me joy.

The other night, I was watching an interview with Ricky Gervais (whom I find to be pretty hilarious) and his anecdote about life hit me at the perfect moment. I love a good anecdote people!! Basically the question was: Why does the show (Derek) mingle comedy with tragedy? His answer: Because that is what life is like. You have a laugh and then someone finds a lump and you deal with that. People ask me, "Is Derek a comedy or drama?" I reply, "What’s your life?" It is always a bit of both. The world is not entirely comic and it's not entirely dramatic.

That's so true, don't ya think?! Life is a laugh and then a lump....and, being able to find laughs, helps us overcome the lumps. The trick, methinks, is finding joy in the little achievements and spontaneous moments of fun. Being able to do that, helps us laugh through the lumps.

A friend recently sent me a funny article outlining the subtle art of not caring (although the author used a choice word that rhymes with luck - ha!) and the inverse relationship of joy experienced. In order to make 2015 the most joyful for myself, I've decided to: laugh as much as possible and not spend any energy on the people who dish out lumps. I've also decided to spend as much time on the things that fill me with joy for example, hangin' with my family, taking pictures, visiting with friends often, traveling, going to yoga class, decluttering my abode, and working more. These are the things that make me most happy.

Found inspiration:

Thirty Things I've Learned
7 Tremendous Effects of Having a Positive Attitude
why being a mom is enough.
New Year’s Resolution Remix: 15 Things To Stop Doing In 2015
Mark Manson

January 6, 2015

seven year itch

Holy Hootenanny!!

It's come to my realization, this here blog has been up and running since 2007!! That's seven years! Can you believe I was contemplating deleting the whole kit 'n kaboodle just a few days ago? You know what they say: Be careful what you post on social mediums; ya never know what can come back and bite you; people have lost jobs and teens aren't getting scholarships to colleges because of their online status. Since it's been a few months since I've come back to this spot, and since I've started dipping my toes back into the working (for pay) world, I thought maybe it was time to clean up my own virtual life so it's not floating out there in cyberspace. Out of my control.

But then last night, I started scrolling through some of very beginning posts and videos. Oh my!! How little the kids were. How cute their voices were. How much I've changed. How adorable the dogs were. How much we've done. How funny we were. How far we've come.

I realize I run the risk of not getting a job someday because of some wee antidote I've posted. Or that there is a possibility someone will form an unfavorable opinion of me in the long run. But, it's very clear to me now, I can not delete seven years of juicy, adorable little irish goodness. Even if I'm the only one who believes that.

I can say this. I really do enjoy this stage in life and where my family is at right now. I love the kids' ages and new found personalities. I don't miss the diapers and spit-up and car seats. But, oh what fun it is to look back at those early days and see my family grow and change and blossom.

In a very real way, I have given myself a gift I didn't even realize I was giving myself. Until now. A seven year, amazingly gooey, funny, raw, tender, messy, silly, joyful gift. What is more awesome than that?!




January 4, 2015

twenty fourteen favorites

























January 3, 2015

2014 outlined

Here I am, amidst a lingering holiday hangover. Christmas a distant memory and the New Year awaits. I have been thinking about my hopes, my dreams, and my goals for the new year. 2015! A fresh start. New beginnings. Contemplating how I'm going to do this next year different....better?

So....2014 outlined?

I decided my word for the year would be YES. I would say 'yes' to as much as I possibly could. Try new things, meet new people, see new places. And, for most part, saying 'yes' provided me with some wonderful experiences and some new friendships. For that I'm grateful.

I quietly made my yoga classes a priority. In other words, I made myself a priority. Might sound selfish to some but I took care of myself two days a week and I refused to allow silly things deter me from doing that. Even if that meant not volunteering in my child's classroom or lunching with the ladies. It was a small act of taking control of a piece of my life when most of my life was/is spent taking care of others. Upon doing that, I met a small group of "regulars" and two teachers. I would like to say, I joined their ranks but I have a lot of work to do. Which, by the way, is the beauty of practicing yoga. The classes, the group, the teachers combined have provided me with more enrichment than they'll even know. For that I'm grateful.

I spent a good portion of the year on a ball field rooting my children on. Some would say baseball and softball was all I could think about, talk about. And, sure the game of bats and balls took up a lot of my waking hours, but I'm glad my kids have this outlet and I'm happy to support it. And them. Even if it means washing grass stains out of white baseball pants becomes the bane of my existence come Spring time, for that I'm grateful.

I joined a book club. Not a huge life event, but slightly significant in my world. Mostly because I admire this small, eclectic group of women that come together roughly once a month without biases. We laugh with and listen to each other. Books are discussed but more importantly, so is life. I often feel enlightened and smart and lighter after I've spent an evening with this crew. For that I'm grateful.

I turned 40, which, in a lot of ways, has been a big relief. Almost like the destination has finally been reached. No more waiting and worrying about it. I made it. Phew! I decided to throw myself a party!! Party theme was vintage country. (You know how much I love a theme) Think gingham, cowboy boots, picnic tables, and mason jars. Hosting a shin-dig and being the honoree at the same time was an out of character experience for moi. I've never thrown my own self a party before. Felt sort of awkward at first but it proved to be great fun. We spent an evening in my backyard with laughs, lipsyncing and dancing. For that I'm grateful.

I traveled solo to see my best friend in Michigan per a birthday gift from my hubby. It was much needed and greatly appreciated. All we do, my friend and I, is laugh and act silly and purge our guts out when we are together. We traveled to Mackinac Island, took funny pictures, drank Tim Horton's coffee, sat on her deck, paddled-boated around her lake (got stuck and rescued), got identical tattoos (gasp), talked with southern accents (don't ask), watched movies, cried some, got massages (not couples massage, we aren't that funny), shopped, and basically just breathed the same air for a week. Michigan in the Fall is pretty darn awesome. Spending some time with my bestie was even more awesome! For that I'm grateful.

I started working again!! (the big one) I mustered up some courage and procured a substitute certificate. Stepping back into a classroom has revived my subconscious. I dusted off that dormant part of my brain and put it back into use. When I stepped out of the classroom to raise my family, I never thought I would go back. At first, deciding to be a substitute was a Band-Aid. I wanted to earn some extra income but be able to keep a flexible schedule as well. Subbing was an easy fix since I already had teaching credentials. But, what I've rediscovered is hanging out with these young people fills a void in my life I had sort of forgotten about. For that I'm grateful.

So there you have it, my year in a nutshell. I won some, I lost some, I loved some, and I laughed some. Evolution of life is a balancing act of tightrope walking. You fall down some. I fall down often. But, the trick is deciding how you are going to approach that tightrope on your next try. This new year is a fresh start to learn from mistakes, as well as keeping the things around that worked before getting back up on that wobbly rope.  Deciding how to balance it all differently is the challenge. At least for me that's the case. Another year to try it all again. For that I am grateful.

Here's to a happy new year!

July 11, 2014

other stuff

It seems my family can't get too far away from baseball even when we are doing other stuff. But that's okay because we are together and having fun which is really all that matters.
Last weekend we loaded up the car on a whim and hit up a local Aquasox game. We walked right into a very lucky happenstance. Miss Divine was rewarded a first pitch prize.
And throw out the first pitch she did.

She had a blast and loved every minute of it.

The rest of the crew took a lap around the parade loop and was chosen to play a game after the second inning. Webbly wasn't too thrilled by their skills as you can tell. C'mon Webbly!!

In the end Webbly was cool and everyone was happy. The kids ran the bases after the game and the Aquasox brought in a win. Fun Day!!



July 5, 2014

boom shakalaka

Confession. Holidays always make me a tad blue. I get excited and caught up with all the possibilities. I let the commercialism and the perfectly staged interactions swarm around in my head. I envision family and friends and smiley people having fun and being together. Norman Rockwell-esque. But the reality of it all is it's never really like that. The reality is the people I love are spread out far and wide. The reality is not as much Norman Rockwell as it is Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion.

I woke up yesterday, July 4th, knowing we had nothing planned. No holiday hoopla. I went to an early morning yoga class. And, I dropped my five pound pooch off for a grooming appointment. (Those were the only two things I had planned for Independence day.) The rest of the day was up in the air. I decided to set my expectations very low. Read: none. And, vowed as long as the four people I call my own were together, even if were together on the couch, then that was enough.

Slowly the day developed into buying some smoke bombs and sparklers at the fireworks stand which made my almost 13 year old happy. Eating pizza and ice cream which made my 11 year old happy. And, dancing in front of the stage of a live band which made my 8 year old happy. We then settled down on a hillside with a group people (I like to call the "good ones") to watch our community fireworks display. Afterwards we walked through hoards of people to a neighbors' house to make s'mores and light flying paper lanterns. Which proved to be more magical than I anticipated. We closed the evening by catching a ride home, because we had walked to the community commons for the festivities, and making shapes in the dark with eight boxes of sparklers before bed.

So here's the truth. I went to bed on July 3rd feeling a little down. I was anticipating grief and allowing it to win. I came face to face with some uncomfortable-ness much like Romy and Michelle at their High School reunion and I felt the ping stab me between the eyeballs. But, around 12:23 am that night .....er very early this morning,  I realized the smoke bombs, the ice cream, the dancing, the awesome fireworks display, the s'mores, the flying paper lanterns, the sparklers....these are the moments Norman Rockwell would have painted. The little moments of nothing special but pure and simple sweetness.

July 3, 2014

challenge = change

If it doesn't challenge you, it doesn't change you.

Hoo-boy, when I read that this afternoon, it struck a major nerve. I feel like I've been challenged in all aspects of my daily life as of late. From raising kids and going back to work to personal relationships and mid-life crisis. I keep struggling to push myself forward while balancing on this tight rope of life.

Several times, I've come back to this place to share news, report a hilarious misstep, express joy or relay a thought. But for some reason, I keep falling short. Unable to find just the right words. Plus, with the arrival of Spring and baseball/softball season, my life jumped into warp speed. I mean like "Sir, the coordinates they have set, they are on a direct course to Sector 001." (You know what I'm saying, right Trekkies, right?!) All I was really able to focus on was providing clean uniforms and arriving at the right ball field at the right time with the right child. (Which proved difficult at times, believe me!)

Life, as we all know, ebbs and flows. Growing smallish people into bigger people, with all the crap they throw at us, isn't easy. We all know that too. Add a dusty ball field and gather a group of people together and then, call them a team has it's challenges. I will say this, three out of the four teams my family was involved with this season have been great. And, I felt much reprieve when I was able to come back to those groups and know everything was ok. Standing up for myself (and advocating for my child) with that fourth group proved to be more of a challenge I cared it to be. A challenge partly brought on by my own doing I will admit. However, the most hurtful challenge wasn't my doing at all. It changed my hope for a fun season and turned it into something I had to "get through". Lies and gossip and bullies aren't something I've had to face head-on in my personal life before. Although, through navigating it, I proved to myself that I am strong and it opened my eyes to some true colors of those around me which I'm grateful for. However, I was very sad and disappointed in my community for a while. Lost my mojo for a bit. But as I realized I could control my reaction to the situation I was handed, I was able to pull myself out of the funk. I dusted myself off, took stock of the behaviors around me, reevaluated, focused on my kid and moved on.

Growing up, when my parents turned the magical age of forty, I didn't think much about it. I never thought it was old or young. Just an age. But as I inch closer to the tipping point myself, I've thought quite a bit about what I'm doing with my life. Or rather, what am I going to do with the rest of my life. No one needs to fear I will cash out my social security account, change my name to Rainbow Rose and flea to some island, somewhere. It's just that my babies aren't in diapers needing naps anymore. All three go to school full time and for the most part are pretty self sufficient, aside from the reminders to brush teeth and wear weather appropriate clothing. And, I spend much of my time twiddling around doing this and that. Don't get me wrong, having three kids doesn't come without challenge, stress and chaos that REQUIRES my attention but as they get bigger and are needing me less, I'm left with myself more, wondering what's next.

So one rainy day in April, I decided to apply for a substitute teaching certificate. I have had teaching credentials under my belt but when my wee family was just a family of three and our bread winner was commuting three+ hours a day, I let things expire and put it all on the back burner. I'm not sure I want to be a classroom teacher again, but I wanted a way to have a flexible schedule and contribute the bank account. This seemed like the perfect solution. My summer surprise was an envelope in the mail making me officially official. I will get myself put in the system for the Fall and get my subbing on. Different challenges and more change ahead I'm sure.

Since September I have been actively practicing yoga. I found a spot that fit and it made me happy. Yoga challenges my strength mostly, but sometimes how I thought and perceived myself and life around me as well. I aspire to get "better" and continue to challenge myself in ways I never thought possible. You know all that self doubt and negative talk kept getting in the way. "I'm not strong enough", "I'll never be able to do that", "Only young people can sit like that". But the more I practiced and peeled those labels away, the more my physical and spiritual self changed and grew. It was so nice to roll my mat out and move from one sweaty asana to the next , knowing I was building strength and exfoliating the challenges of the outside world. Changing. Growing. And, I am grateful.

Summer vacation is in full swing now. Our routine has evolved from getting up early and rushing out the door to sleeping in and hanging around in our pajamas. It's a welcomed change of pace. Although summer time doesn't come without challenges. This just in. What the heck am I supposed to be doing with these three people that keep calling me Mom???

May 1, 2014

just another manic morning

Ever have one of those mornings when life jumps around from the corner, scares the crap out of you and then runs away laughing? Yeah?! Me too. Like this morning. Which, started out like any normal morning. I set my alarm for 6am, hit snooze for as long as I possibly can before wrenching myself out of bed roughly an hour (or less) before the bus is due to arrive.

So like clockwork, at 7:19am I finally lurched out of bed realizing I was nineteen minutes behind schedule, throw a sweatshirt over my pajamas and groggily walked down the hallway, opening doors and switching on lights one by one. The first door belongs to my youngest. She is the most stubborn and hardest to get going in the mornings. When I say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree in disdain for rising out of bed early then you completely understand how awful waking her up is. The word "inertia" comes to mind. Because my oldest is out the door with my handy hubby before I hit the snooze button the fifth time, and my middle only requires a slight rustling to get her going, all my efforts are focused on my youngest. Micromanaging comes into play and being the non micromanager I am, the process is just as painful for me as it is for her.

After a solid thirty-five minutes of pushing and prodding and reminding and reinforcing and pleading, I wrangled the girls into the laundry room for appropriate outerwear and backpacks. I should stop here to cue you all in that we have three dogs. One maltipoo and two scottie dogs. The maltipoo is only five pounds and has a bladder that needs relieving roughly nine hundred and fifty two times every morning. In order to stop the peeing from happening in my house, we often walk him to the bus stop. This little lap of luxury makes the older, very vocal scottie dogs extremely jealous.

Somewhere in between book reports sized 16x20, clipping a leash onto the maltipoo's collar, remembering to pack snacks, water bottles, and permission slips to the field trip....the garage door was opened. One of the scottie dogs escaped with the maltipoo (dragging his leash behind him), my middle child holding third place as best she can and me in dead last.

Half way down the road, I realized I'm not wearing a bra, I can't run in the rain boots I'm sloshing around in, and I left my 8 year old back at the house holding my cup of coffee. At this point, however, I was too far down the road to go back for the car but too far behind to make a difference in the hot pursuit.

I watched my child and two dogs dart in and out of yards as I ran forward. By the time we all reached the next bus stop, another parent had stopped the mad dash of the scottie dog (but actually it was mostly because he is fat and was too tired to continue the game of chase) and my daughter had gotten a hold of the maltipoo's leash.

Now the race back to our bus stop was the prime objective. I instructed my daughter to go back and make sure her sister was ok. When I got into eyesight I could tell the pair of them were squabbling over the book report and my coffee. And wouldn't you know it, the big yellow bus rounded the corner just in the nick of time. I yelled down to my daughter to put my coffee cup on the mailbox and run to the bus.

"Put the coffee on the MAILBOX!!!" pant, pant, pant. "GGGggooooo" "RUN!!" pant, pant pant. "Goodbye...I love you!!" pant, pant, pant. "why aren't you running???" "Goooo, FAST!!" pant, pant pant.

The bus driver was kind enough to wait for the girls who loaded the bus with minimal wear and she even pulled up and stopped to open the bus doors and hand me two biscuits for the dogs.

But I didn't give the dogs her treats because they were jerks.

April 16, 2014

parenting pet peeves

Two of my biggest pet peeves about parenting: arranged playdates and organized team snacks. There I said it. It’s out there. And, you can’t make me take it back. Just the mere mention of one of these topics makes my insides flop around and my mind start to spinning inside my skull.

Maybe two babies ago I would have been all over a playdate, this arranged appointment for children to get together to play, like friggin’ Martha Stewart on Styrofoam balls and a hot glue gun. I would have had that playdate arranged and on the calendar for weeks. I would have looked forward to it. I would have showered for it. I would hope the other parent invited me inside the house so I could engage in an adult conversation.
Now, it’s just another pull on my already overbooked schedule. Don’t get me wrong, my kids play with other kids for Pete’s sake. I just like it when it happens organically. Naturally. When the neighborhood hooligans stop in for some hide ‘n go seek or bike riding. Or when we are at the ball park for a little league game and all the little siblings run around with sticks and shout “you’re it!!” Or when the school friend calls out of the blue and asked for an impromptu sleep over. Or when some wood gets thrown in the fire pit and we skewer marshmallows to roast with friends that happen to be around. That’s what I enjoy. That’s what feels right.

Not too long ago I was victim of parenting peer pressure about my daughter’s playdate schedule. I was told that even though it was realized our family is busy with school and sports, her friends miss her. Talk about a guilt trip. I completely understand that I could be misinterpreting the conversation and I shouldn’t put feelings behind words written in emails. However, there is truth to “it’s not what you wrote, but how you wrote it”. Believe me. It’s true.

The one thing I’m not worried about regarding my children is their social skills. The three of them know how to make friends. Shy might be my middle name, but I was handed offspring who don’t understand the definition of the word.
Pet peeve numero dos: Do not e-v-e-n get me started on organized team snacks people. Such. A. Pain. I mean, I understand the concept. And I even understand the kids LOVE the team snacks almost more than actually playing the sport. Sometimes I think the kids endure the hour of t-ball just for the snack at the end of the game. If you have a child on an organized sport team, you are most likely familiar with a team of children gathering like a motley crew of misfit pirates with one clear ring leader yelling “SNACKS!!!!” as they run with a wild look in their eyes to parent standing on the side lines with the booty. And, just like that, the carefully arranged Gatorade bottles, orange slices, and rice krispy treats placed in cellophane bags tied with ribbons to match the team colors are wiped out in a matter of milliseconds. After which the snack parent looks dazed and wondering what actually happened in the blur of grubby hands, loud noises and dust flying. Did she just get groped by a first grader?!? And, never fear there is always that one sibling with puppy-dog eyes inquiring about any leftovers at the very end that the snack parent has to disappoint and watch run off crying because they didn’t get any.

Which brings me to my point…..Organized team snacks is spendy yo! It sounds good in theory. Nine to twelve kids on the team. Easy right? But don’t forget the half dozen to dozen siblings. Plus the random cousin or neighbor kid that tags along. And, that one kid from the other team who must have a snack beacon chip installed and comes snooping around as you wonder where his parents are but can never locate.
Let me tell you something. Juice boxes aren’t cheap! And, who has time to make wholesome snacks or cut up apples this day and age? Not me. The shear amount of food allergies and gluten intolerances is off the charts by the way. Never forget the teammates who have food allergies. They possess mothers who moonlight as food police. That’s a battle you never want to encounter. Never. My head is spinning just thinking about it.

April 14, 2014

be the heron

I'm not one to micro-manage my kids. I loathe reading charts that require my signature every day. I don't check the online grading rubric every hour. I'm not a fan of homework packets aka busy work. I don't need bedrooms to look like a Pottery Barn catalog. I shirk arranging play dates. I mean, how can parents teach their offspring to be forward thinkers and problem solvers if we are constantly doing everything for them. That's my philosophy anyway. I pat myself on the back for handing over the tools to be successful, but I struggle with "getting" my kids to be self starters (first grade buzz word right there).

When my son was in the fifth grade, his first male teacher seemed to share in my philosophy. He would supply all the information and then waited for the creativity and learning to begin. Some parents had issues with this educational curve and complained their children fell behind in certain subjects. Even my son's math grade dropped a tad. But this didn't make me worry.

I want my kids to learn about failing now when the cost is low, so they can gain and master the abilities of taking charge of their selves and their own educations. This way, when the cost is higher, say in high school and college, they will know what they need to do to get the job done.

Totally text book, right?! Sounds great in my head. Looks super on paper. And, for the most part, my non-helicopter-parenting style works. I deserve some positive reinforcement really. Go ahead, I'll wait.

That said, kids are innately LAZY. Mine are no exception. Especially my son. He rushes through things, often taking short cuts, he has to do just to get it over with. My middle has taken to hiding in her bedroom so that I forget I've asked her to help out. My youngest is currently the worse however. Unless it's fun or interesting, she finds every excuse under the sun to not do what has been asked or is required. I find myself trying to bribe and barter. When that doesn't work, I pull out the threats, mostly taking away things of value. This makes me angry, mostly at myself. Angry because I shouldn't have to threaten or remind my offspring how lucky they are every damn day just to get them to pick up their dirty socks. And, no, by picking up dirty socks, I don't mean stuffing them under the couch cushions.

I reminded myself of that fifth grade teacher this morning and a little pep talk he gave my son as the two of us sat across from him at conference time last year. He asked if we were familiar with herons, first looking at his student, my kid, and then meeting my eyes with his.  Of course, my child shrugged his shoulders being the spongy learner he is. And, then Mr. Teacher asked the same question but only directed it at me. All the sudden I felt my nerves swish around in my belly as if I was just handed a pop quiz. I replied ,and stuttered, that I knew it was a tall, long legged bird and one used to hang out at the swampy dairy farm I once lived on.

Mr.Teacher continued on about how fascinating herons are. And, if we ever get a chance to really observe one, we should. He explained how they aren't the most graceful and talented but they make up for that by being extremely patient and hard working. I began to catch onto the moral of the heron metaphor as he engaged my son in facts about herons' hunting techniques. Did you know herons will stand in one place, motionless, for hours waiting for the perfect opportunity to spear a meal?! And, not just any meal. The best meal. They will spread their wings out wide to create shade and a sense of safety for their prey. And, they will wait and wait and wait. As we know, waiting for that long is very hard work. He reminded my son that taking short cuts and rushing through things and not taking time to do our best work doesn't make for a big "meal" payoff in the end. Sloppy work only earns poor grades. He ended our conference with three words, "be the heron."

I've never, ever in all the years of attending (more school buzz words ahead) goal setting conferences, been brought to teary eyes as that one. That mild mannered, gentle voiced, unassuming fifth grade teacher inspired not only my kid to work harder, but me as well. Those three words have stuck with me in many situations since. And, sometimes I whisper them to my kids.

Be the heron.

April 8, 2014


Two things happened recently. My dear, sweet friend and neighbor asked me "What is going on with your blog?" And, a high school pal found our English teacher via cyber stalking and sent me her website deets. Both have inspired me to open my laptop and see if I remembered my password to log in.

I realized my last post was way back in September. After the kids went back to school, I feel like I was busy doing everything but nothing at all. Once again, my schedule became not my own and I've been tied down to managing the life of my family. Their schedule is my schedule. And their schedules are full.

Along with all that here and there and nowhere, I have been slowly creeping up on the middle of my life point. With every day passing, I'm beginning to put that young life I was living behind me. I feel like all the firsts (i.e. first kiss, first job, first house, first baby, first minivan) is behind me, behind us. Now we finish raising and continue working and basically circling the little slice of life we've carved off for ourselves. Protecting it, growing it, loving it. And, although I'm not digging in my heels and fighting forty to the bitter end, it has been on my mind quite a bit.


Mid life (adjective) See middle age.

Middle age (noun) The period of age beyond young adulthood but before the onset of old age, usually between the ages of 40 and 60.

Count down to my mid life: five months.


When I turned thirty-nine this last September, I had an entire list of things I was going to do to make turning forty better. Easier. Smoother. September is not only my birthday month, but also the month kids go back to school. And, this year, the kids started a new school year on my actual birthday. Yup, my thirty-ninth year was going to rock. I was going to LIVE. IT. UP. sister!! I was going to bust out of bed every morning like a Disney Princess all chipper and singing and stuff. I was going to organize the garage. I was going to de-clutter the house. I was going to make exercise a priority. I was going to pay off debt. And, I was going to be better to myself therefore making me a better wife and mom.

I was going to walk into forty with swagger, baby ... throwing my hands in the air ... "like I just don't care....heeeeyyy!, hhooo!".

I just aged myself with that one, didn't I?

So far I've succeeded in dying my hair platinum blonde, going to yoga twice a week and making a few trips to Goodwill. My house is still cluttered. My garage is still unorganized, although filled with less stuff. I still have debt. And, my booty isn't any smaller than it was seven months ago. At this point, mid life is winning. Because, let's face it. Every year right after the new school year starts, the holidays hit. And, the holidays usually kick my butt. It's the pressure to be jolly and make memories greater than last years. It's the spending of money on crap that usually breaks, needs returned or is unappreciated. It's the cold and dark gray days. It's the cookies and candies and alcoholic beverages too good to pass up. The holidays wear me out. My "we can do it" attitude turns into "yeah, whatever, bring mommy a blanket" nap fest.

But!! Do not fear, my friends, I'm not pushing the panic button just yet. I may look like I live in a trailer park beside the freeway all bleached blonde with roots showing hair right now, but I still have five months left. I haven't lost this mid life crises battle yet. I keep telling myself the act of turning 40 is probably much worse than actually turning 40.

With my head held high and the promise of blue skies and warmer weather around the bend, I keep on keeping on. I AM going to rock 40. I just don't know how right now. I still have five months to figure that out.

Oh, and about my last post? From what seems like forever ago. My youngest is surviving school and making progress. The behavior chart is a thing of the past and she is busy doing her thang, her way, as usual. As always, what seems to be true of everything.....this too shall pass.....and it did.

September 18, 2013

the twelfth day of school

I know we've all been there. Mommy guilt takes hold of your gut (and your heart) like no other imaginable bad thing ever.

Am I doing this right? Did I say the wrong thing? Was I yelling too much? Did I not yell enough? Should I just lock them in their rooms until they are 18? Just kidding on that last one. Sort of. No really, I am kidding. Maybe not. I digress...

You all understand my point I'm sure. Mommy guilt is the worst kind of angst. Period. It seeps into your soul and wrestles with your insecurities and then laughs at YOU in your weakest moments. Unless you are one of the emotionless machines that is able to turn off that ping of guilt button at any moments notice. Oh how I envy you.

Mommy guilt is humbling. And it's horrible. And it's gross. Makes a mutha want to raise the white flag, and then climb under the covers to hide.

And, what's worse? In my case. All this guilt inducing horrible gross-ness comes in the package of a sparkly, defiant, outgoing, beautiful seven year old girl. She, IS, the female version of my twelve year old son so one would think...round two? I gotz dis! But I don't. I'm weak and tired and still licking my battle wounds from round one. Which isn't over by the way. That dude still lives with me.

I am fully aware my brand of kid is gregarious, bright-eyed, smart and fun-loving. I know they fib the truth and seek ways to bend the rules. They think out of the box....in fact, they are never in the box. Ever. And I can't lie, I love when I meet a teacher/bystander for the first time and their face lights up at the mention of one my own as they sing the praises of my personable comedian that is such a riot, or my kind-hearted animal lover that seeks good things, or my glittery fashionista that runs the world. But deep down, I'm on a roller coaster and always dancing the two step. Trying my best to keep ahead of the game these three are playing. While I struggle with feelings of failure around every corner.

So when child number three (the before mentioned seven year old) came home yesterday with a behavior chart for messing around in the bathroom for twenty minutes during class time, I knew the honeymoon period of a brand-new school year was officially OVER. It didn't even last a full two weeks. We have stepped into that dicey therapy stage too early methinks. I fear divorce but crossing my fingers this rocky bit will smooth out before the lawyers are called in.

I know what you are thinking right now. Her? you say.

Don't be fooled by her toothless smile and her twinkling eyes. Gurl got this sucka on lock and she knows how to manipulate the system. She's a playa. And, she is the QUEEN of avoidance techniques. She observes her prey from afar, pours on the charm, snuggles up to their sides, strokes their egos and then strikes when they least expect. She is on fire.

She suspiciously went missing from class during writing time. Ding. Ding. Ding. A subject she's not too fond of. She says it's boring and she struggles and she doesn't like it and, well, she would rather be talking. So of course, she sashayed up to the one in charge and asked to use the potty. Her newbie, young, right outta college teacher has no clue what she is up against. And. I'm. Scared.


When I put her on the bus this morning after another rocky start and many tears, I walked back to my house with my tail between my legs. The behavior chart, worries over the right classroom fit, my own untempered emotions, undesired behavior from said seven year old started to fester and bubbled up. My brain tells me this too shall pass. My gut tells me to employ the CTFD method. My heart tells me I am a loving parent. But my overly frazzled, mommy guilt reflex is sucker punching me in the face. Hard!

In hind site, I've stewed and worried when I know she probably had a right fine day at school today and forgot all about our bumps this morning.

And, last night.

And, yesterday afternoon.

And, the morning before.

And, the morning before that.

My right brain has decided we need to put a plan in place pronto. This chick needs to get her act together or I might just go Bill Cosby on her arse. "I brought you into this world, I can take you out!"

I called my friend to vent.

Then I breathed and unfurrow my brow.

And I laugh (after I stressed most of the morning of course...I am only human).

Deep down, what brings me peace of mind, is this. My kid is a genius!! Straight up! Because only a genius could figure out how to get excused to the bathroom and be absent from the classroom for twenty whole minutes, unnoticed, to avoid unfavorable responsibilities.

That my friends, is a genius at work.

September 11, 2013

thirty days hath September

We made it through summer vacation and the school district gave me the most awesome birthday present ever. SCHOOL!!! So, I celebrated by joyfully sending three kids, on time, to their individual educational establishments. Give this mother a gold star thankyouverymuch. Because, unlike the years previous, this family now has a middle schooler. A "have-to-shower-every-morning-and-wear-deodorant middle schooler who gets on a bus headed west an entire hour before the rest. Which isn't as bad as I thought it would be. Although getting out of bed earlier isn't the funnest thing I've ever done.

(no picture of middle schooler because bus came a whole hour earlier
and neither parents were prepared)

Besides doing the happy dance for school starting again, I celebrated my last year of dirty thirties by picking up one of these:

Introducing Benjamin Button. Benny for short. I know, I know. Not the smartest thing I've ever done. But wook at dat face!! I mean....Come! On! I regularly troll craigslist for bargains and this little puddle of fluffy adorable-ness popped up on my screen in need of a home. He is a six month old, 4.5 pound maltipoo. A cute family of four had some life adjustments unexpectedly and thought it best to find a new family for him. And although I fell head over heals for this teeny puppy-wuppy, I have THEE. HARDEST. TIME. telling people what breed he is. As many know, I'm a die-hard Scottish Terrier fan and announcing this guy as a maltipoo sounds just so sissy.
And, because Benny is squirrel sized, Mavis and Franklin only wanted to eat him temporarily. A week later, they are kosher as could be and the adding of a new family member, even one called a maltipoo, went better than I expected. Smooth actually.
Except for the kids....they continue to fight over who gets to hold the littlest dog pretty much all the time. Which is yet another reason to celebrate school days. Yay school!
Fall not only brought us puppies, school and birthdays but more baseball as well. Yes that's right folks. For the first year ever, we are playing some fall ball. As much as I hate to say it, this little community we live in is somewhat label driven and elitist loving. On a regular basis I find myself being told how such and such's child is in a smarter-than-average program, or got on a select sports team, or achieved whatchamacallit. As special as every child is, the whole my kid/life/house/car/pet is better than yours routine gets old. Being that my kiddos don't tend to be the chosen ones for all that specialness, my handy hubby decided to start a little team of non-labeled kids and label them Bulldogs. A non-select, select baseball team. Which has been awesome!


In other, more boring, news .... I've spent a better part of my kid free time taking puppy-potty-breaks, purging forgotten crap that got tossed into corners and reconnecting with my mamacita friends over coffee since September started. It's been grand!! I love Fall Vacation!


August 25, 2013

summer lovin'

Soooo basically, I took an unannounced, unintentional sabbatical from blogging these summer months. I didn't plan to. It just sort of .... happened. I didn't forget about you though. In fact, I thought about you often, thinking, I really should post something. Truth be told, I've felt a little stale and unexciting. Although, seems like I'm not alone. Many around the blogosphere were on blogging siestas.

Turns out it's a lot like riding a bike. Once I put my mind to it, I'm able to ramble on just like old times. Whose the lucky one? You are! (wink)

While you are reveling in your luckiness, you might be wondering just what exactly has been keeping me too busy to tickle the QWERTY. Well, mostly managing the smallish people while trying to keep them from killing each other and surviving on coffee and sour patch kids. Sometimes, my friends, you really can spend too much time together. That old saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder". Yeah. That is so true!

Divide and conquer is my running motto. The kids took turns spending time at Camp Grandpa getting dirty and living the farm life. Taking one kid out of the equation makes a gigantic difference. And, just last week, I was lucky enough to send two at time. Woot! Woot!

Other than that, we spent much time floating around the lake, staying up late and watching movies. We've eaten our weight in s'mores, visited with far-away friends and sported too many pairs of bowling shoes. We also photo bombed the host of our local human-interest show while at the grand opening of new movie theater and watched ourselves on TV. We celebrated El Fuego's birthday at the water park. Burnt out our forearms driving go-karts. And, logged in many steps at the zoo. I ran a 5k, celebrated my 15 year anniversary with Mr. Hawthorn and (gulp) went to my twenty year high school reunion. How am I this old?? We had backyard sleepovers in tents, started (but haven't finished) house projects, sold our living room furniture, enjoyed a few pedicures and came 'this close' to adopting a pound puppy. This close I tell you. This close! And, as of late, we cheered on our hometown All-Star baseball team as they battled in the Little League World Series. That, folks, was our summer in a nutshell.

The school life routine is pressing upon us. Only a week left before we have to set alarms, pack lunches, do homework and hit snooze buttons. Oh, who am I kidding? I don't pack lunches!! But I can hit a snooze button like nobody's business.

This year calls forth a new experience for us. Middle School. Shiver me timbers!!! While the girls were at Camp Grandma, El Fuego and I took care of some middle school business. Like finding the perfect pair of tennis shoes and getting an ASB card. The dude is way more excited about the ASB card than the shoes by the way.

The girls will be starting fourth and second grade. My babies aren't babies anymore. Sniff! This week has us learning who their classroom teachers are and collecting supply packs at school. I started buying the school supplies through the PTSA in June shortly after I decided rounding up supplies at Target in August is pretty much like being on the front lines of Vietnam. It. Ain't. Pretty. And, that's all I will say about that. I also have grand plans to get the backpacks in order and organize the laundry room which is supposed to be where the backpacks reside when not at school but has become a dumping ground for outgrown rain jackets, dust, gloves missing mates, dog leashes and crap sent home from school last year. You know, that stuff that was thrown in a corner while I told myself I would clean it up later. Well, it's still there. Yay me.

And now....I will present you with pictures in no particular order from the last few months.


The end.